Just one darn thing after another!

It was Chas – again!
‘Chas!’ I said. ‘Chas – this isn’t the best time to talk! I’m really sorry.’
‘That’s what you said earlier,’ said Chas, ‘so I’ve waited and waited and I don’t want to wait any longer.’
I sighed. ‘Is it a matter of life and death?’ I said, ‘Because if it isn’t, please can you tell me tomorrow? I’m so stressed out. Have you heard about Greg?’
‘What about Greg?’ There was a note of impatience in Chas’s voice that told me that he hadn’t.
I gulped. Suddenly it was really hard to speak. What do you say? He might be dying? He’s in great danger? They think he may not live? I wasn’t sure I could say any of those. Hearing the words would make it so real. I knew it was real – of course I did. But I didn’t want to hear myself talking about it. That was too much.
‘Kate?’ I still couldn’t speak. ‘Kate? Are you still there?’
I nodded, choked. I wanted Chas there beside me, holding me in his arms. However it was between us, he was still the best friend I had – he was still the person I turned to whenever I had a problem. Tears trickled down my face.
‘Chas,’ I managed to say, my voice all wobbly and reedy. ‘Chas, please will you come over? I need you.’
Chas’s voice softened. ‘I need you too, Kate,’ he said. ‘I’ll check with Mum, OK?’
‘OK,’ I whispered and put the phone down.
I blew my nose then went to the loo and washed my face. I made a good job of it, listening while Mum insisted it was time for Suzie to go home and for Ben to go and do something useful like homework. Much as I love them all, I just needed a bit of space. I hoped Mum was going to be OK about Chas coming over.
Thankfully, she was. ‘Kate, do whatever is going to help you feel better,’ she said. ‘I trust you to be sensible. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to tackle the ironing and watch a trashy DVD – I need something to take my mind off things too!’
I smiled. ‘Bet it’s ‘Dirty Dancing’,’ I said.
‘With gorgeous Patrick Swayze dying of cancer?’ she said. ‘No way. I need to be cheered up. If I watched that, I’d be slitting my wrists – and don’t mention ‘A Knight’s Tale’ either, OK?’
I knew it would take Chas about half an hour to cycle over so I went and had a baking hot shower. My head had begun to ache with all the stress and bottled up tears. It was bliss to let the steaming water pound down on my head and cry and cry without anyone able to hear or notice. I was left with that lovely, dozy relaxed feeling you get after a good sob and, to be honest, I’d probably have been fine to snuggle down in my PJs and go to sleep. But there was clearly something Chas had to talk about so I wrapped myself up very respectably in my bath robe and went downstairs just in time to get the door when Chas knocked quietly. I took him into the kitchen seeing as Mum was in the sitting room.
‘Want a drink?’ I said.
He nodded, a pre-occupied look on his face. He didn’t sit down – he paced.
‘Want to tell me about it?’ I asked.
‘Yeh – yeh, I do,’ he said. ‘But the trouble is, I’m not sure I should.’
I raised my eyebrows. ‘It’s a secret?’ I said.
‘Yes – well, yes it is – but it may not be for long – and, oh Kate, I don’t know what to do – it’s too big a thing.’
My mind was boggling, I can tell you. What on earth could it be? The thing that sprang immediately to mind just didn’t seem possible.
‘Can I hug you?’ said Chas, suddenly.
For reply, I just held out my arms. I so needed someone to hold onto after the evening I’d had and Chas looked like he felt exactly the same. I snuggled in close.
‘If it’s someone else’s secret, you’d better not tell me,’ I said.
I felt Chas tense up. ‘I know,’ he said, ‘but I really need someone’s advice.’
‘My mum?’ I suggested. ‘She’s used to keeping people’s secrets.’
Chas shook his head. ‘I couldn’t,’ he said. ‘She might feel she had to tell this person’s parents.’
‘It’s not that they’ve done something illegal, is it?’ I said.
Chas didn’t speak for a moment. ‘We..ell,’ he said slowly. ‘Well, yes, actually – well, in a way. Or at least someone has, anyway – but not my friend. Not really.’
Are you putting two and two together? I was – but I didn’t want to say anything in case I was being completely over the top.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Chas. ‘You can do without me dithering like this after the night you’ve had.’
‘Too right,’ I said, into his chest. ‘But I don’t actually mind right now; it’s so nice to be hugged.’ I smiled up at him.
‘Oh Kate,’ he said. ‘Now I want to kiss you. But I guess that’s not a very good idea.’
I shook my head. ‘No,’ I said. ‘Not tonight. I can’t cope with getting confused about you right now!’
‘Maybe I should stop hugging you,’ said Chas.
‘Maybe you should just tell me what’s on your mind!’ I said. ‘You don’t have to say who it’s about.’
Chas’s face lightened. ‘That’s a point,’ he said. ‘OK, I’ll try that.’
‘I’ll make some tea,’ I said. I let go of him reluctantly. Now don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t like I wanted get together with Chas all over again. But you must know how comforting it is to be hugged by someone who cares about you when you’re feeling really rubbish. People should hug more. The British are far too hung up about it.
A few minutes later, we were sitting facing each other at the kitchen table.
‘Go on then,’ I said. ‘Spit it out.’
Chas sighed deeply. ‘It’s one of my friends on Facebook,’ he said. ‘She’s got pregnant.’
I gasped. It was what I’d been expecting – and yet not expecting. It fitted what he’d said – but I just couldn’t imagine it really happening to someone I might know.
‘Is she under age?’ I asked.
Chas nodded. ‘She wants to know what I think she should do. She hasn’t told her parents yet – she’s in a complete flap to be honest. She doesn’t know whether to have an abortion or to keep the baby, she doesn’t know who to tell – her boyfriend, her parents, her other friends. She’s really embarrassed – which is why she was chatting to me rather than asking her girlfriends. She feels like a complete idiot – and she’s scared stiff of what her parents will say.’
‘And you don’t know what she should do either?’
‘No – of course I don’t! If it all comes out, her boyfriend could be prosecuted – because he’s over sixteen and she isn’t – so she’s dead worried about that.’
‘Is she still with him?’
‘Yes – but that doesn’t mean she wants to be with him for life – or even get him involved with the baby – if she keeps it.’
Crikey! It was so hard to know what to say! There was so much to think about! I could quite see why Chas had no idea what to advise. And I felt quite cross with this girl for burdening him with it. I mean, it’s not exactly the sort of thing a sixteen year old boy feels very qualified to advise about – even if some of them darn well should, given the way they behave.
‘Look,’ I said. ‘Let’s be organised about this – let’s make a list of the different options she’s got. Then maybe it’ll become clear what you should say.’
Chas nodded. ‘Obvious really,’ he said. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’
‘Because you’re stressed,’ I said. ‘Now come on – first off has to be she tells her mum…’

A Matter of Life and Death

Fortunately, Mum had finished feeding Hayley and Rebekah and they were snuggling down in their cots. She put a finger to her lips as I came in. For reply, I beckoned urgently. She nodded and I knew she would come through shortly. I told Isabelle Mum would be with her shortly, then ran downstairs.
To my relief, Ben and Suzie were back in the land of the sane and capable, had made five mugs of tea and had dug out (inevitably, seeing as Ben was involved!) a packet of chocolate biscuits.
‘Oh thank you,’ I said, grabbing the biggest mug. ‘I so need a cup of tea!’
I was thinking I’d leave Mum to it for a few minutes and slurp my tea in peace – Ben could take some up for her and Isabelle – but at that moment, the phone rang.
‘Oh no,’ I said. ‘It’ll be Chas. I told him to ring back later – but I meant much later, not now. Can you put him off for a bit, please, Ben?’
Ben pulled a face but went out into the hall.
I didn’t register that he was gone for quite a while – I was busy explaining to Suzie about Isabelle between gulps of tea and mouthfuls of biscuit. It was a shock when Ben returned a few minutes later and sat down heavily at the kitchen table looking ill and pale.
‘Ben – what is it?’ said Suzie. ‘You look dreadful!’
‘That was Greg’s mum,’ he said. ‘They’re still not sure whether he really has got meningitis or whether it’s just extreme symptoms of the other thing he’s got…’
‘Weill’s disease?’ I said.
‘Yes – that,’ said Ben, ‘but he’s really, really poorly – like, they think he might die - and she rang to ask Mum to pray for him – with her being a vicar.’
It was a good job I’d drunk all my tea because I dropped my mug. I just kind of forgot I was holding it and it slipped out of my hand.
‘But she’s busy with Isabelle…’ I said, vaguely. I couldn’t think straight. I felt as if little explosions were happening in my brain.
‘She’ll want to know though,’ said Suzie.
I sat down at the table. Suddenly my legs were shaking and I felt light-headed. ‘I can’t cope,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘I’ll go and tell her,’ said Suzie. ‘You stay here. And Kate – drink my tea. Put some sugar in it.’
Ben and I sat in silence. I had my head in my hands. I have never felt so wretched in my entire life, not even when Mum fractured her skull, not even when Gran died. I didn’t want to cry – I just felt completely drained. My wrist was throbbing in time with my heart beat which seemed to be all I could hear. Suzie and Ben, Isabelle and now Greg. It was too much. And there was still Chas wanting to tell me something urgent.
Mum walked into the kitchen, followed by Suzie.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘Now stop looking quite so washed out, you two. Greg needs our prayers and you need to help. He’s not dead yet, OK?’
‘What about Isabelle?’ I asked, faintly.
‘She’s getting herself ready for bed,’ said Mum. ‘She’s gone very drowsy, just like it said on the Internet, so I’ve told her to get a good night’s sleep and we’ll talk about it in the morning. Poor kid – she’s devastated. She was trying to prove she can manage to be independent, despite her illness. This is the last thing she needed to happen – but we can talk about it later. I’ve told her not to worry, no one’s going to throw her out – or at least, certainly not until we’ve seen a doctor and discussed things – so I think she’ll be OK for now. Greg, however, is a different matter. Let’s go into the sitting room.’
Ben and I exchanged glances. We both do some praying, don’t get me wrong – but neither of us is good at the sort where you do it out loud in front of other people. Suzie’s great at it – they seem to do it in her family all the time – and for Mum it’s like falling off a log – but Ben and I? Well, we’d rather have our teeth pulled with no anaesthetic actually.
But there are moments when you’ve just got to do what you’ve got to do. There was nothing we could do for Greg except pray. His life was in the hands of the doctors and of God. We couldn’t talk to the doctors and if we could, we wouldn’t know what to say – but we could talk to God. Well – it was worth a try anyway. That’s what I always think about prayer when people are saying that you don’t know there’s a God - so how do you know it’s worth bothering to pray? Well, you don’t – of course you don’t! No one knows if there’s a God or not so no one knows if it’s worth bothering to pray. But it costs nothing except your time and it just might help – so I always reckon it’s worth a go – just in case!
It was still hard though. We all sat down in the sitting room. Rover followed us in and I was jolly glad he did. He came and sat by me and laid his big, heavy black head on my lap so that I could stroke his silky ears. You have no idea how comforting that was.
Mum said not to worry if we didn’t want to pray out loud – we could just do it quietly if we wanted – but I just felt it was important to say what I wanted to say. I knew that if I didn’t, my thoughts would spin round in my head in a meaningless jumble. I needed to get them out in the open. So I waited till Mum and Suzie had prayed and then I launched in.
‘Dear God,’ I said. ‘I know I haven’t always been nice to Greg and I’m sorry. I know I’ve messed him around a bit and I’m sorry about that too. You maybe think I don’t care much about him – but I do, God, I do. Please don’t let him die. I will feel dreadful if he dies and I haven’t made things up properly with him. There’s been no real chance to talk to him since the accident – not properly anyway. I know that’s a really selfish thing to pray and of course there are far more important reasons for him not to die – but I want you to know how I feel, God, OK? So please don’t let him die! Amen.’
I was bright red in the face by the time I’d finished. I couldn’t quite believe I’d said all that in front of the others. But I did. I really did. Ben stayed quiet but the others prayed far more respectable prayers and made sure to pray for Greg’s parents too. Suzie even prayed for the dogs because she thought maybe they would be missing Greg whilst he was in hospital. Mum finished with a nice, rounding off sort of prayer and we all sat back in our seats and felt exhausted.
‘Right,‘ said Mum. ‘I think maybe I should give Greg’s mum a ring,’ she said.
But at that very moment, our phone began to ring for the third time in less than an hour.

Non, non, non!

‘I’ll go, Ben,’ I said. ‘You stay here, don’t worry!’
Despite the look on Mum’s face I couldn’t wait to get out of the sitting room and leave Ben and Suzie to sort things out.
‘What is it?’ I demanded.
‘Just come and help me,’ Mum implored. ‘Quick – upstairs!’
I raced up the stairs after Mum and into the twins’ bedroom. They were both standing up in their cots bouncing up and down and jabbering happily enough, considering it was their bedtime. Nothing wrong with them then – no, it was our new au pair, Isabelle, who was in trouble. She lay on the floor, thrashing about in a most alarming way, her limbs clenching at odd angles, her head flailing. It was really quite frightening to watch.
‘Heck – is she having a fit?’ I asked.
‘Looks like it,’ said Mum. ‘Looks like epilepsy to me – but I’m not sure. There was nothing on what she sent us about her being epileptic. Anyway, I shouldn’t leave her – I didn’t want to come down but I couldn’t make you hear. Can you go and check the Internet – see if you can find out what we should do.’
‘I know you’re supposed to clear everything away so they’ve space,’ I said. ‘And you don’t try to hold their mouths open or anything.’
‘Yes, yes, I know,’ said Mum. ‘And I made a space - but I think she should probably see a doctor – I don’t know if this is a new thing or whether she’s used to it happening. Just go and check, love – can you manage with your hand like that? I wish Ben had come – get him if you can’t do it.’
I didn’t bother trying to explain to Mum that this wasn’t the best moment for Ben – I just hurried to see what I could find out. I was pretty sure all we had to do was wait until the fit was over, then keep the patient warm in the recovery position – and take it from there – but it was difficult because we knew nothing about how Isabelle normally was.
It was surprisingly hard to find out what I needed to know on the Internet. There was endless background information about epilepsy – but what to do when someone was actually having a fit was more difficult. By the time I got back, Mum had got Isabelle into the recovery position and had put a duvet over her.
‘Well?’ she said.
‘You’re doing the right thing,’ I said. ‘Apparently she might be drowsy when she comes round properly or she might be perfectly normal.’
‘I though that was what might happen,’ said Mum. ‘Look, could you stay with her, love? Your dad’s got a late night at the salon so he won’t be back for a while and I need to get the girls fed and into bed.’
‘Fine,’ I said though actually I felt quite anxious about it – and in dire need of a cup of tea after all that stress downstairs! But I knew I’d have to wait for that. Mum scooped up Rebekah and then Hayley and staggered through into her bedroom – they’re getting rather large to carry both at once!
I sat down on the floor beside Isabelle – what an awful thing to happen when you’d just moved in with a family of complete strangers in a foreign country. I felt really sorry for her. I wondered what Mum was going to do about it. I mean, was Isabelle safe to be left with the babies? If she was prone to having fits, that could be very dangerous. I wondered what mothers who had epilepsy did about it.
Just then, the phone downstairs went. Darn – would Ben and Suzie be able to tear themselves out of each others’ arms for long enough to answer it? I went to the door, my eyes still fixed on Isabelle.
‘Ben!’ I yelled. ‘Answer it – I can’t come down!’
I heard reluctant movement from the sitting room – you know how you can tell it’s reluctant – slow steps and moany voices. I sat back down next to Isabelle. Her eyelids fluttered. Perhaps she was beginning to come round.
Ben yelled up the stairs.
‘It’s Chas, Kate. He wants to talk to you.’
‘Tell him I can’t come down – tell him he’ll have to ring my mobile.’
‘What’s going on?’ Ben asked.
I explained as fast as I could.
‘Crikey,’ said Ben. ‘What’s Mum going to do?’
Honestly – little brothers! Ten minutes ago he’d been all maturity and good sense. Right now he was being thick as a brick.
‘How should I know, Ben?’ I demanded. ‘How would Mum know yet? It’s only just happened! Now go and be useful and make us all a cup of tea. I haven’t recovered from you and Susie doing your big kiss and make up scene yet and now I’m doing hospital drama up here!’
I settled down again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to Chas just then – I felt drained after the scene with Ben and Suzie and felt Isabelle needed to come round to peace and quiet – so I wasn’t at my best when I answered my mobile.
‘Kate, hi – I need to talk to you,’ said Chas.
‘What about?’ I said, keeping my voice really low. ‘This isn’t exactly a good time.’
‘Why not?’
Honestly! Hadn’t Ben told him? No, I suppose he was still too absorbed in all that had happened with Suzie to be bothered with the little matter of our epileptic au pair!
Briefly, very briefly, I explained. ‘So I don’t want to talk now because she might come round any moment and I think things should be quiet for her,’ I added.
‘Well, can you call later? When she’s sorted out?’ There was an impatience in Chas’s voice that I took exception too. I was tired and crabby. It felt like it had been a very long evening already – and my wrist was really beginning to hurt – it does that in the evenings at the moment – in fact it’s hurting right now while I’m writing this.
‘Oh, can’t it wait, whatever it is?’ I demanded. ‘Oh, in fact, it’ll have to – Isabelle’s coming round. Bye – see you soon.’
I put my phone down and turned to Isabelle who was slowly beginning to push back the duvet and sit up. She looked very puzzled.
‘Did I …did I….?’ She was clearly struggling to find an English word.
I nodded. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘You had a fit. Perhaps you are epileptic?’
For reply, Isabelle burst into tears. ‘Non, non, non,’ she wailed, so loudly that I shushed her quite fiercely – I was worried about Rebekah and Hayley being disturbed.
‘It’s all right,’ I said. ‘You’re all right now. Mum will need to talk to you about it though.’
At that Isabelle began to wail terribly. 'Non, non, non!' she kept repeating. 'Non, non, non!'
I waited for a minute or two but Isabelle seemed to be getting more agitated rather than less. There was no help for it. I went to get Mum.

Confessing to Ben

‘What did you just say?’
I registered Suzie’s look of complete horror and spun round – well, as much as I could, seeing as I was sitting on the sofa and my arm still felt like it didn’t quite belong to me. But I didn’t need to look to know who had just walked in. I’d recognise my little brother’s voice anywhere – even though it’s going all husky and manly these days.
‘Ben, I…it was…it…’ Suzie stammered.
Oh stop, stop, I was thinking desperately. If you carry on, you’ll just make things worse!
‘You’re pretending you’re cross with me as an excuse to dump me? Is that it? You’re not really bothered what I’ve said about you at all?’ Ben’s face was absolutely livid. I have never seen him so incensed. He’s normally a pretty laid-back kid and almost any problem can be soothed with a chocolate biscuit but I reckoned you’d need a whole lorry full to make any progress right now. His fists were clenched, his chin was jutting forward, he was hunched in a way that made him look almost Neanderthal. The tension in the room was so palpable that Rover, who had been happily asleep by my feet, lifted his head and let out a long, piteous howl.
Which made Suzie join in. Well, she didn’t howl exactly. Her shoulders trembled, her face screwed up and she began to cry.
‘That’s not what I was saying,’ she sobbed. ‘That wasn’t it at all! Listen, I can explain everything!’
‘Suzie, I’m not sure that’s a good idea,’ I said. With Ben reacting like an enraged bull already, I didn’t think the confession of a rather steamy one-night stand was going to help any!
‘Kate, I want to hear what she has to say, thank you!’ snapped Ben, sounding so like Mum in a bad mood that I almost laughed – despite the situation.
‘I think I’d better leave you alone for a while,’ I said, tentatively, though it felt cowardly. In truth, I really didn’t want to stay there. It felt horrible. Rover let out another mournful howl. I wasn’t surprised.
‘No,’ wailed Suzie. ‘Please don’t go. I…I…want you to stay!’
That didn’t surprise me either. I wouldn’t have wanted to be left alone with Ben in that mood.
‘I’ll just let Rover out then,’ I said. ‘Or shall I go and make a drink?’
‘No, thank you,’ said Suzie, shooting me a desperate glance.
‘No – what good would that do?’ demanded Ben.
I shrugged and got up to open the door for Rover who gratefully slunk into the hall and made for his crate. The others both seemed paralysed. Except that Suzie was still sobbing.
‘So?’ said Ben. ‘What did you mean then?’
‘I…I…’ Suzie looked away. I could understand her dilemma. Ben was quite furious enough as it was. I found the box of tissues and shoved it in her direction.
‘Well?’ said Ben.
‘Oh, for goodness sake, Ben,’ I said, suddenly getting angry myself. ‘Can’t you see you’re terrifying her? You’re being really aggressive and horrible. Suzie was having a private conversation with me, at your request, if you remember and you’ve come storming in and started behaving like some Neanderthal thug! If you stopped being quite so intimidating, maybe Suzie would be able to say what she wants to say!’
For reply, Ben took some deep breaths and tried to relax his shoulders and uncurl his fists. I could see it was a real effort. Have you ever tried to uncurl half defrosted sausages? Well, it was like that!
‘OK,’ he said, clearly trying to sound more gentle. ‘Go ahead, Suzie. Tell me what you really meant, OK?’
‘You won’t go ballistic?’ said Suzie.
Ben is nothing if not honest. ‘I’ll try,’ he said. ‘It depends what you say.’
Suzie wiped her eyes, blew her nose and took a deep breath herself.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘Right. The thing is….’
And then it all came out in a rush, the whole thing, with Suzie face getting redder and redder and Ben’s expression growing more and more astonished.
‘So you see,’ she said, at last, ‘I thought I’d better dump you because – well, because if I don’t, I might do something I shouldn’t. Like I already did.’
‘But you’re still in touch with this Hamish?’ Ben asked.
Suzie nodded. ‘But it’s OK,’ she said. ‘He’s got a girlfriend. I only chat to him occasionally on Facebook. I just wanted to find him to be sure.’
‘To be sure what?’ said Ben.
‘To be sure I really didn’t like him that much. To be sure it’s really you that I want to go out with – that it was just a holiday fling – fun at the time but nothing serious.’
‘And you are sure?’ said Ben.
Suzie nodded. Tears were welling up again. I was really beginning to wish the sofa would gobble me up, it was so uncomfortable being there. This was almost worse that Ben’s anger. It felt so private, so intimate. And they were so young to be talking to each other like this. It felt as heavy as a scene from ‘Romeo and Juliet’.
‘But you’ve still got to dump me in case you do something you think you shouldn’t?’
Suzie nodded. ‘It doesn’t feel right,’ she said. ‘Maybe if we were older – maybe if we were engaged. I don’t know. I guess I just feel I don’t really know what’s right yet and I need to think about it. I know it wasn’t right to do what I did with Hamish – for all sorts of reasons. But I don’t know about you.’
And then Ben did something that made me very proud of him indeed. He took Suzie gently by the shoulders and looked into her tear-drenched eyes.
‘What makes you think I’d let you do those sorts of things with me?’ he said.
Suzie’s body jerked with surprise. ‘But you said to those boys…I thought you wanted…I thought all boys did! I thought you must be getting really frustrated with me.’
‘Maybe,’ said Ben. ‘But we’re not going to do anything that makes either of us unhappy, OK?’
‘So…so…’ Suzie looked bewildered. ‘So…you don’t mind about Hamish then?’
‘Mind?’ For a moment, Ben’s body tensed up all over again. ‘Yes, of course I mind! But it’s over, isn’t it? And I did something awful too, mouthing off like that about you. So shall we call it quits? Move on?’
‘You mean get back together?’ Suzie was staring at Ben as if she could hardly believe what she was saying.
Ben nodded. ‘Yes – if you want to.’
‘Want to?’ said Suzie. ‘Of course I want to!’
They were about to kiss – I knew they were. And I wanted to curl up and die. I think they’d forgotten I was there, this silent witness to their movie moment. I wondered whether to clear my throat pointedly or just sneak out of the door. But just at that moment, the decision was taken out of my hands. Mum burst into the sitting room, a look of terrible consternation on her face.
‘Kate! Ben!’ she said, urgently. ‘Come quickly!’

Suzie tells all!

I wrapped my good arm round Suzie’s shoulders.
‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Spit it out. I’m sure you’ll feel better when you’ve told someone.’
Suzie gulped and nodded. ‘It’s terrible,’ she said. ‘It’s been on my mind for just ages. And I feel like such a hypocrite.’
‘You feel like a hypocrite?’ My mind raced. Surely Suzie wasn’t about to tell me that she’d told her friends she’d slept with Ben too?
Suzie nodded glumly. ‘You’re never going to believe this, Kate,’ she said. ‘Not after what I’ve said to Ben.’
What she’d said to Ben? About what? About him talking about her as if she was a slag? Or about other stuff? I didn’t know much about what Suzie said to Ben except…except that she was very strict about what they could and couldn’t do together. As far as I understood it, she hadn’t let him go any further than snogging. Surely…surely she wasn’t about to confess to…no, I couldn’t believe it. Not of Suzie.
‘Go on, Suzie,’ I said.
And then it all came tumbling out. How it had happened while she was on holiday in the summer. There was a boy on the same campsite with whom she’d got on really well. They’d spent a lot of time together – swimming, bumming around on the beach, exploring the local town. By day three they were meeting each morning to go and buy baguettes and croissants. In the evening, they went for long walks or to the disco on the site.
‘I didn’t think anything of it,’ said Suzie. ‘I’d told him about Ben. I’d said we could only be friends.’
‘But?’ I said.
‘But…’ Suzie began to cry again and had to rummage up her sleeve for a tissue. ‘But on the next to last night, he walked me back to my tent and just as I was saying ‘Goodnight’ he kissed me. And I kissed him back. Not very much. Just a quick kiss.’
‘Is that all?’ I asked.
Suzie shook her head vehemently. ‘No – that was the trouble. Until he kissed me, it felt fine. He just felt like a friend. There was no contest. Ben was my boyfriend and there was no way I was going to cheat on him – and what was the point, anyway? After the end of this week, I was unlikely to see Hamish ever again.’
‘Hamish?’ I said. ‘Isn’t that a Scottish name?’
Suzie nodded. ‘He’s from Dundee,’ she said.
‘So are you still in touch with him,’ I asked.
Suzie blushed. ‘Only on Facebook,’ she said.
‘You’re on Facebook?’ I said, surprised. ‘I thought you’d be on My Space.’
Suzie blushed a deep crimson. ‘I joined to find Hamish,’ she said. ‘So we write – and chat sometimes.’
‘A lot?’
Suzie shook her head. ‘No – only about once a week.’
‘Well, that sounds fine,’ I said. ‘I can’t really see the problem, Suzie. I think you should tell Ben. I’m sure he would understand.’
‘I haven’t told you everything yet, Kate,’ said Suzie. ‘There’s more.’
‘Go on,’ I said.
Suzie gave me an anguished look, almost as if she was begging for mercy. I still had my arm round her and I gave her a squeeze.
‘I’m not going to shout at you, Suzie,’ I said. ‘And you don’t have to tell me, you know.’
‘Oh but I want to tell you!’ Suzie wailed. ‘I’ve got to tell someone – and you’ve got to help me sort out what to do.’
It was getting hard to be patient. I was so worried about Greg and, much as I like Suzie and really wanted to smooth things over between her and Ben, I was getting irritated. But then, suddenly, it all came out in a rush.
‘It was the last day,’ said Suzie. ‘We spent all day together and, because it was such a beautiful evening, we went for a long walk along the beach, further than we’d ever been before. Mum and Dad were fine with it. They liked Hamish and trusted him. He’s sixteen, nearly seventeen – I think they thought I’d be safe with him. He wouldn’t let me drown or anything.’
I snorted. Sometimes, Suzie’s parents, lovely though they are, seem a bit naïve. I’m not an adult, let alone a mum, but it just didn’t seem to me that the biggest risk was Suzie drowning.
‘So he didn’t let you drown but…’
‘We walked around the headland and found this beautiful little cove and then…well, then we just started kissing…and it was so warm I’d only got on my bikini and a sarong. So we laid the sarong on the sand and lay down and…’
Suzie stopped.
Please tell me she didn’t have sex with this guy! I begged God. She is seriously underage.‘And…and…’ Suzie’s head was sunk so low her chin was grazing her chest. ‘And well…Kate, I’m too embarrassed to say any more…it wasn’t that we had sex…but the thing is, I’ve never let Ben do what I let Hamish do. And I care far more about him than Hamish. It was such a stupid thing – just the end of the holiday and I was feeling sad – and it was so warm and romantic on the beach and it was just so easy. And the trouble is, Kate, it was so exciting. I really liked what we did and…’
‘And what, Suzie?’ I was trying hard not to act shocked. But I was. I mean Suzie is the same age as my little brother! And she was telling me that she’d done things with a strange boy on holiday that I hadn’t done myself! Not to mention the fact that Suzie is so conscientious about going to her church – she’s in the Salvation Army – and has been (as far as I know) really strict with Ben about doing nothing more than snogging. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised she felt like a hypocrite! She’d given Ben such a hard time about what he’d said and she’d actually cheated on him on holiday!
‘You’re horrified, aren’t you, Kate?’ said Suzie. ‘Please don’t look so shocked. I had to tell someone! I couldn’t live with worrying about it any more.’
I was struggling to know what to say. It may not sound like a big deal to you – she’d only made out with a guy on the beach and it was months ago. But it just didn’t fit with the Suzie I knew. I made a huge effort to pull myself together.
‘Suzie, it’s over,’ I said. ‘Isn’t it? It’s not like you’re seeing Hamish every weekend or anything, is it? OK, so you had a one-night stand but it’s not the end of the world. Ben need never know. Or were you thinking you should tell him?
Suzie shrugged and I unwrapped my arm.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said. ‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you.’
I was puzzled. ‘But I really don’t see the problem,’ I said. ‘It’s over with Hamish. If you can forgive Ben for what he did – and, given what you’ve just told me, I jolly well think you should – then you can just get back together and be very happy.’
Suzie shook her head. ‘But Kate – the thing is, I don’t want to stick to just snogging any more. Now that I know what it’s like, I want to go further with Ben – but I don’t think I should. So you see, I just have to dump him – and that’s why I pretended I was cross about what he’d said! So that I have a reason!’

Serious stuff!

‘I have bad news about Greg, I’m afraid, darling,’ Mum said, at last.
The look on her face was so serious that I felt an awful surge of adrenalin and suddenly my hands and legs were shaking.
‘What?’ I said. ‘What is it?’ He can’t be dead, I was telling myself, it can’t be that bad. He only rescued Biggles from the river – and he was discharged from hospital the same day! What on earth could be wrong? Maybe it was something to do with Biggles. At that thought, my heart nearly stopped, I’m sure.
‘He hasn’t had to have Biggles put down, has he?’ I said, suddenly feeling so sick that I reached for the nearly empty bowl of grapes on the coffee table. ‘They didn’t decide he was dangerous after he bit me, did they? He is so not – he’s the most gentle dog ever – that was only because he was so very distressed!’
Mum looked aghast. ‘Good grief, Kate, of course not!’ she said. ‘Everyone knows Biggles would never bite anyone normally. No, actually, Kate,’ – she looked grave – ‘it’s more serious than that. Greg has been rushed into hospital.’
‘What on earth for?’ I gasped. ‘He was fine! They sent him home!’
‘It’s because of all the river water he must have inadvertently drunk,’ said Mum. ‘At first they thought he’d just caught a cold or had the flu – but now they think it’s Leptospirosis – and that Weil’s disease might have set in.’
‘I’ve never heard of either of them,’ I said. ‘What do they do to him?’
‘Well, the leptospirosis is rather like flu but the problem with it is really that there can be nasty complications.’
‘Like what?’ I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Greg must have them or Mum wouldn’t be looking so serious.
‘Liver failure, kidney failure – and meningitis.’
I felt as if someone had suddenly opened the door and an icy wind had blown in.
‘Meningitis?’ I said. ‘Is that what they think he’s got then?’
Mum shook her head. ‘They’re not sure. He does have a terrible headache and a stiff neck but no rash. But it’s a possibility. No, the thing they’re really worried about is liver failure. He’s become extremely jaundiced, very suddenly. It’s called Weil’s disease.’
‘I thought you said it was called lepsori – thingy whatsit.’
‘Leptospirosis. Yes, it is – Weil’s disease is a complication of it.’
‘So is he going to be all right?’
‘Kate, they can’t be sure. He’s very poorly right now. He’s in intensive care.’
I burst into tears. ‘Why did no one tell me?’ I sobbed. ‘What if I want to visit him?’
‘We didn’t tell you because we didn’t know. No one knew till the early hours of this morning when he staggered into his mum’s room with the awful headache. The thing with leptospirosis is you start with flu symptoms and then they stop – and then all the complications start – if they’re going to.’
‘And they have?’
‘Yes,’ said Mum. ‘I’m afraid so.’ She handed me the box of tissues. ‘But you must remain positive, Kate. It is treatable and it’s not that rare. The doctors know what they’re doing – and he is young and strong.’
‘But how did he get it?’ I demanded. ‘Just through being in the river?’
Mum nodded. ‘Yes – it’s often passed on through rat’s urine – and he swallowed quite a lot of water. Kate, you can’t visit him at the moment, I’m afraid. No one can except his parents. He’s really, really poorly.’
She came and crouched by my side – which if she hadn’t just told me such terrible news, I couldn’t have helped smiling over. When she squats down like that, her bottom half looks like a Sumo wrestler, she has such an enormous bum. But her top half is wonderfully cuddly and I wrapped my arms around her neck and buried my nose in her hair – which is black with magenta streaks at the moment.
‘Can we pray for him?’ I whispered.
‘Of course,’ Mum said.
There are some advantages in having a mum who is a part-time vicar. Very good in the sort of crisis where there’s absolutely nothing you can do except pray! Of course, I joined in. But it was great to have her there to start me off and to keep my mind on the job. I don’t know about you but my mind wanders dreadfully when I’m praying, even when it’s something really serious. Anyway, we prayed for Greg and his Mum and Dad and when we’d finished, I felt slightly better. It must be awful if you don’t believe in praying at all. What do you do in a real crisis? What do you do when there’s someone you care about in trouble and there’s nothing else you can do? It must be agony. I think that, even if I didn’t believe in God, I’d still give prayer a go. I mean, it would be worth a try!
There was a tap on the door.
‘It’s OK, Suzie!’ Mum called. ‘You can come in now – that is all right, isn’t it, Kate?’ She got up and opened the door and then disappeared into the kitchen
I nodded, blowing my nose at the same time. I didn’t mind what state Suzie saw me in – and I still hadn’t talked to her about Ben, what with the accident and everything.
‘I didn’t know you were here,’ I said. ‘Is Ben around?’
Suzie shook her head. ‘No – I texted him to check. He knows I don’t want to see him till I’ve talked to you.’
‘He must be really fed up,’ I said. ‘He wanted me talk to you days ago.’
‘I know,’ said Suzie, ‘but you know what Ben’s like. He gets in a real state about things but then, when he’s calmed down, he’s the most laid-back person I know. That’s one of the things that’s really great about him – especially when you’re used to my family. They run on rails!’
I laughed – and then felt guilty. I had forgotten about Greg for a moment. But Suzie must be a mind-reader.
‘You can’t worry about Greg all the time,’ she said. ‘Life goes on, you know.’
‘I know, I know,’ I said. ‘It’s just – how can I have forgotten the state he’s in already?’
‘You haven’t,’ said Suzie. ‘You’ve just remembered him, silly! Just pray every time he flashes through your mind. I would!’
‘Well, you’re a much better person than me,’ I said. ‘Which reminds me – we’d better get on and talk about this fiasco with Ben telling people he’d slept with you – the stupid, stupid boy.’
Suzie was looking at the floor.
‘What’s up?’ I said. ‘Lost something?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I just feel awkward with you saying that I’m a better person than you, Kate. I’m so not honestly. I’m just so not.’
I looked at her red cheeks quizzically. ‘What is it, Suzie?’ I said. ‘Something’s really worrying you, isn’t it?’
To my surprise, Suzie, who is always so jolly and buoyant, began to cry.
‘Oh Kate, you’re not going to believe this,’ she sobbed. ‘It’s bad – it’s so, very, very bad…’

A bloody mess!

It took three firemen to get Greg and Biggles out of the river. I could tell from the way Greg let one of them wrap a supportive arm round him that he had had enough. But he wouldn’t let go of Biggles and he didn’t take his eyes off him. Slowly, wading against the current they brought the big dog in. It was clearly a massive effort. He’s huge and his coat is thick and heavy. I had to let the rope go slack – there was no point in pulling – Greg could only go as fast as they could move Biggles. There was a painful silence as Suzie, the remaining firemen and I waited, our eyes peeled for signs of life. I wanted to ask, to shout out to Greg but I couldn’t bear to. From where we were standing, Biggles looked like a dead-weight. There was an uncomfortable lump in my throat and my eyes were smarting. Please God, please don’t let him be dead, please God, I was praying silently and then, And if he is, please don’t let me be useless.
And then Suzie gave a cry.
‘He rolled his eye,’ she said. ‘I saw Biggles roll his eye!’
‘Are you sure?’ I said.
‘Yes – watch!’
Suzie was right. Biggles was holding his own head up and yes, his terrified eyes were rolling. Moments later, we were all trying to beach him, the three firemen, Greg, Suzie and I. Stupid. Suzie and I should have stood back. We weren’t really needed. But we were so relieved and excited, we weren’t thinking straight. I reached out to grab Biggles’ collar and help haul him in – and that’s when it happened. Poor Biggles must have felt utterly threatened by the sudden hand looming by his nose – and he snapped, his huge jaws clamping my wrist in an agonising grip. I screamed – I couldn’t help it – and Biggles snapped again. Greg was too shocked and exhausted to help but the nearest firemen knew what to do. He rammed his fingers and thumb into the corners of Biggles’ mouth and his jaw dropped immediately. He was too tired to hang on anyway.
I looked down at my arm. Blood was seeping rapidly from four wounds. I could see they were deep and you know how it is – once you see the damage, the pain suddenly hits. My knees buckled, my head span and I would have landed in the river myself but for the quick reactions of one of the waiting firemen. The next moment, I was sitting on the bank with my head thrust between my knees and my arm held in the air. And then someone was saying, ‘Is this the casualty?’ and someone was explaining that there was another one as well and the riverbank suddenly seemed full of people, some of whom I recognised and some of whom I didn’t but my mind felt so woolly that I couldn’t decide what was what and when someone started lying me down and lifting my feet in the air, I didn’t complain, I was suddenly immensely cold and I remember thinking that I shouldn’t be cold, that I hadn’t fallen in the river – it was Greg who was cold, he and Biggles – and I remember trying to ask what had happened to them and whether Biggles was going to be OK and someone said, ‘Stop trying to talk, please, Kate. Your friend and the dog will be fine.’ And after that, I must have blacked out.

After that, it was all as you might expect – ambulance, hospital, stitches, blood transfusion – yes, poor old Biggles had nicked an artery – and eventually, home, wonderful home. I wasn’t long in hospital so I didn’t have visitors other than family. I really didn’t want them. I felt absolutely exhausted and I hated the bed, the noise, the food, the lights – and so I was determined to do as much as possible to get myself home as soon as the doctors would let me – and that involved sleeping while they dripped antibiotics into me from a bag. They were worried that I’d get something nasty both from Biggles and the river water so I was going to be on antibiotics for a while – but as soon as they could, they’d have me off the drip, onto tablets and I’d be allowed home. I never realised how much I love my chaotic house, so cosy and comfortable and easy to be in, until I was faced with the misery of being helplessly pushed around by other people in hospital. And there was another thing too. Mum and Dad both insisted that everything was fine. Greg had been checked over in hospital and sent home and Biggles had quickly recovered from his adventure. All the dogs had got home safely – Suzie and her dad had dealt with that. I wasn’t to worry about our new au pair (whose name, incidentally, is Veronique) – she was going to stay with the Petersons for a week instead of me – Mrs Charming could find plenty for her to do. All I had to worry about was getting plenty of rest and recovering as fast as possible. But I knew there was something else – something they weren’t telling me.
I found out what it was the day after I got home. I’d had visits from Chas and Mrs Peterson and Vicky – and Suzie had texted to ask if she could come round later that evening. Ben was being very attentive to my every need – he wanted me in ‘sorting it with Suzie’ mode as soon as was humanly possible. But I hadn’t heard anything from Greg. Well, fair enough. Before the crisis with Biggles, we hadn’t been on the best of terms. And although he was back in school, he must have been feeling pretty rough. I wasn’t really expecting a visit, was I?
Well, yes, I was actually. Of course I was. I’d taken a big part in rescuing his beloved dog. I’d stopped him from panicking, lent him my phone, found the life-belt, held the rope while he played the hero – yes, I was expecting something, a text at the very least. Or even a Get Well Soon card. I don’t want to over-dramatise but I’m told the paramedics did do that thing where they wrap you in foil because you’ve lost so much blood. And I know it wasn’t Biggles fault, he’s a lovely dog and he was just very distressed – but you’d think if your dog had bitten the girl you claim to fancy like mad, you might do something. Even if your head is fuddled by dunking it in the river. So I was surprised and, frankly, a bit naffed off that I’d heard nothing at all.
And then Mum came to talk to me. I knew it was serious by the look on her face. She sat down on the end of the sofa where I was lying watching ‘Friends’.
‘Can we turn this off for a minute?’ she said.
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘I’ve seen it before anyway.’
There was silence. I suspected Mum was praying. She’s like that – always putting the odd word in when there’s something big going on.
‘What is it?’ I said. ‘Come on – put me out of my misery. What’s going on?’
Mum took a deep breath and began.