Outrageous!

This is outrageous! I ought to be ringing Childline! I talked to Dad and he sees absolutely no problem with what Mum's planning to do! Get this! He said he thought there was actually a need for it and that I should be proud of her and - wait, for it, this is worse - that she was quite right that it was about time I started doing a bit of work around the place to earn some money and not always be expecting things to drop into my lap! Drop into my lap? In this madhouse? It took until Mum got post-natal depression for her to give in and let me have a mobile phone! And I'm convinced that if Dad wasn't a hairdresser, I'd be expected to keep my hair a metre long or have it shaved off to save money! It's not that we're that hard up - but Mum seems to have this band of virtual Third World orphans that inhabit her imagination and continually remind her that we don't really need most of what we've got. And I suppose our family has virtually doubled in size in the last couple of years - and we're having to pay for an au pair too - so I guess a bit of extra cash wouldn't go amiss. But why Mum has to come up with quite such a weird idea to make money, God only knows - probably quite literally - she's always chatting away to him! And why I should be dragged in, is beyond me. You'd think that in my GCSE year, my parents would be keen for me to just get my head down and study - why this sudden urge to get me working? And just how do you explain to your two best friends that you've got a little part-time job at home selling...wait for it...you're just never going to believe this...selling CARDBOARD COFFINS!

Yes, that's it. Mum's brilliant idea is to sell very basic, very reasonably priced cardboard coffins over the Internet. She went to a big exhibition all about DEATH at the NEC in Birmingham - yes, OK, they called it something a bit more sensitive that - The Funeral Resources Show, or something - and off she went. What is she like? Who, in their right mind, packs up their babies and their au pair and takes them to look at urns and coffins all day? And says the babies had a lovely time playing in the plastic gravel! You know the sort of stuff? They scatter it on the tops of graves to make them look nice. Honestly, normal people let their babies play in ball pools, not grave gravel! My baby sisters are going to end up seriously warped!

Anyway, I suppose I should be grateful she's not decided to market grave gravel as the next best thing for babies. Instead she came back ranting about how outrageously over-priced cardboard coffins are and how their ought to be a more basic option available. At first she was thinking we could offer a customising service - coffins in your football colours, for example - but at least Dad had the sense to point out that that would be extremely time-consuming. I saw her eyes flicker in my direction and knew exactly what she was going to say.

'But Kate's quite good at art...'

I was ready for her. 'No,' I said. 'Just no, OK? I could maybe do an hour or so a week, answering queries or something - but decorating flat pack coffins is right out!'

'She's right, Jo,' said Dad. 'You need to start small and simple with this - and if you're trying to provide a budget range, then you don't want to do anything fancy. Kate could help get you going - she knows far more about the Internet than you do - and, as she says, with answering queries or packing the product - but that's all, I think.'

Packing the product? What is this? It sounds far too serious to me! Any moment now and these two'll be trying to get on 'The Dragon's Den'.

Little brother Ben, of course, has been no help whatsoever. He just thinks it's a huge laugh.

'What d'you expect?' he said. 'Mum's over the baby blues now, she doesn't want to increase her 'vicar' hours but she does want to do something extra. You can tell she's been champing at the bit for weeks. Just be glad it's something that might actually earn us some money, for once.'

'Yeh, but she wants me to do some of the earning! How is that fair? I notice she hasn't mentioned it to you!'

'That's because I'm too young,' said Ben, looking smug.

'I'm sure you're not too young to be employed by your family!'

'Yeh, but the point is that they know you're old enough to have a paper-round - and when you're sixteen there'll be loads of other jobs you can do - but you've never shown any interest.'

'Why should I?' I said. 'I want to study for my GCSEs!'

Ben pulled a face. 'Yeah, right,' he said.

'What's that meant to mean?' I said, irritably.

'It means, if you don't want them to nag you to get a job, stop spending so much time doing MSN. They reckon if you've got enough time for that, then you could do a job and "contribute to the family economy"'

'And how do you know that, Smarty-pants?' I growled.

'Heard them talking,' said Ben. 'Actually, I think it's bluff - I think they just want to scare you into doing more schoolwork and less MSN - but I could be wrong.'

'Well, I'm not going to put up with it,' I raged. 'I'm not going to be bullied into earning money when I don't want to.'

'OK, then,' said Ben. 'What are you going to do about it?'

What do you think Kate is going to do? Cast your vote and visit again to see what happens next!