Confessing to Ben

‘What did you just say?’
I registered Suzie’s look of complete horror and spun round – well, as much as I could, seeing as I was sitting on the sofa and my arm still felt like it didn’t quite belong to me. But I didn’t need to look to know who had just walked in. I’d recognise my little brother’s voice anywhere – even though it’s going all husky and manly these days.
‘Ben, I…it was…it…’ Suzie stammered.
Oh stop, stop, I was thinking desperately. If you carry on, you’ll just make things worse!
‘You’re pretending you’re cross with me as an excuse to dump me? Is that it? You’re not really bothered what I’ve said about you at all?’ Ben’s face was absolutely livid. I have never seen him so incensed. He’s normally a pretty laid-back kid and almost any problem can be soothed with a chocolate biscuit but I reckoned you’d need a whole lorry full to make any progress right now. His fists were clenched, his chin was jutting forward, he was hunched in a way that made him look almost Neanderthal. The tension in the room was so palpable that Rover, who had been happily asleep by my feet, lifted his head and let out a long, piteous howl.
Which made Suzie join in. Well, she didn’t howl exactly. Her shoulders trembled, her face screwed up and she began to cry.
‘That’s not what I was saying,’ she sobbed. ‘That wasn’t it at all! Listen, I can explain everything!’
‘Suzie, I’m not sure that’s a good idea,’ I said. With Ben reacting like an enraged bull already, I didn’t think the confession of a rather steamy one-night stand was going to help any!
‘Kate, I want to hear what she has to say, thank you!’ snapped Ben, sounding so like Mum in a bad mood that I almost laughed – despite the situation.
‘I think I’d better leave you alone for a while,’ I said, tentatively, though it felt cowardly. In truth, I really didn’t want to stay there. It felt horrible. Rover let out another mournful howl. I wasn’t surprised.
‘No,’ wailed Suzie. ‘Please don’t go. I…I…want you to stay!’
That didn’t surprise me either. I wouldn’t have wanted to be left alone with Ben in that mood.
‘I’ll just let Rover out then,’ I said. ‘Or shall I go and make a drink?’
‘No, thank you,’ said Suzie, shooting me a desperate glance.
‘No – what good would that do?’ demanded Ben.
I shrugged and got up to open the door for Rover who gratefully slunk into the hall and made for his crate. The others both seemed paralysed. Except that Suzie was still sobbing.
‘So?’ said Ben. ‘What did you mean then?’
‘I…I…’ Suzie looked away. I could understand her dilemma. Ben was quite furious enough as it was. I found the box of tissues and shoved it in her direction.
‘Well?’ said Ben.
‘Oh, for goodness sake, Ben,’ I said, suddenly getting angry myself. ‘Can’t you see you’re terrifying her? You’re being really aggressive and horrible. Suzie was having a private conversation with me, at your request, if you remember and you’ve come storming in and started behaving like some Neanderthal thug! If you stopped being quite so intimidating, maybe Suzie would be able to say what she wants to say!’
For reply, Ben took some deep breaths and tried to relax his shoulders and uncurl his fists. I could see it was a real effort. Have you ever tried to uncurl half defrosted sausages? Well, it was like that!
‘OK,’ he said, clearly trying to sound more gentle. ‘Go ahead, Suzie. Tell me what you really meant, OK?’
‘You won’t go ballistic?’ said Suzie.
Ben is nothing if not honest. ‘I’ll try,’ he said. ‘It depends what you say.’
Suzie wiped her eyes, blew her nose and took a deep breath herself.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘Right. The thing is….’
And then it all came out in a rush, the whole thing, with Suzie face getting redder and redder and Ben’s expression growing more and more astonished.
‘So you see,’ she said, at last, ‘I thought I’d better dump you because – well, because if I don’t, I might do something I shouldn’t. Like I already did.’
‘But you’re still in touch with this Hamish?’ Ben asked.
Suzie nodded. ‘But it’s OK,’ she said. ‘He’s got a girlfriend. I only chat to him occasionally on Facebook. I just wanted to find him to be sure.’
‘To be sure what?’ said Ben.
‘To be sure I really didn’t like him that much. To be sure it’s really you that I want to go out with – that it was just a holiday fling – fun at the time but nothing serious.’
‘And you are sure?’ said Ben.
Suzie nodded. Tears were welling up again. I was really beginning to wish the sofa would gobble me up, it was so uncomfortable being there. This was almost worse that Ben’s anger. It felt so private, so intimate. And they were so young to be talking to each other like this. It felt as heavy as a scene from ‘Romeo and Juliet’.
‘But you’ve still got to dump me in case you do something you think you shouldn’t?’
Suzie nodded. ‘It doesn’t feel right,’ she said. ‘Maybe if we were older – maybe if we were engaged. I don’t know. I guess I just feel I don’t really know what’s right yet and I need to think about it. I know it wasn’t right to do what I did with Hamish – for all sorts of reasons. But I don’t know about you.’
And then Ben did something that made me very proud of him indeed. He took Suzie gently by the shoulders and looked into her tear-drenched eyes.
‘What makes you think I’d let you do those sorts of things with me?’ he said.
Suzie’s body jerked with surprise. ‘But you said to those boys…I thought you wanted…I thought all boys did! I thought you must be getting really frustrated with me.’
‘Maybe,’ said Ben. ‘But we’re not going to do anything that makes either of us unhappy, OK?’
‘So…so…’ Suzie looked bewildered. ‘So…you don’t mind about Hamish then?’
‘Mind?’ For a moment, Ben’s body tensed up all over again. ‘Yes, of course I mind! But it’s over, isn’t it? And I did something awful too, mouthing off like that about you. So shall we call it quits? Move on?’
‘You mean get back together?’ Suzie was staring at Ben as if she could hardly believe what she was saying.
Ben nodded. ‘Yes – if you want to.’
‘Want to?’ said Suzie. ‘Of course I want to!’
They were about to kiss – I knew they were. And I wanted to curl up and die. I think they’d forgotten I was there, this silent witness to their movie moment. I wondered whether to clear my throat pointedly or just sneak out of the door. But just at that moment, the decision was taken out of my hands. Mum burst into the sitting room, a look of terrible consternation on her face.
‘Kate! Ben!’ she said, urgently. ‘Come quickly!’

Suzie tells all!

I wrapped my good arm round Suzie’s shoulders.
‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Spit it out. I’m sure you’ll feel better when you’ve told someone.’
Suzie gulped and nodded. ‘It’s terrible,’ she said. ‘It’s been on my mind for just ages. And I feel like such a hypocrite.’
‘You feel like a hypocrite?’ My mind raced. Surely Suzie wasn’t about to tell me that she’d told her friends she’d slept with Ben too?
Suzie nodded glumly. ‘You’re never going to believe this, Kate,’ she said. ‘Not after what I’ve said to Ben.’
What she’d said to Ben? About what? About him talking about her as if she was a slag? Or about other stuff? I didn’t know much about what Suzie said to Ben except…except that she was very strict about what they could and couldn’t do together. As far as I understood it, she hadn’t let him go any further than snogging. Surely…surely she wasn’t about to confess to…no, I couldn’t believe it. Not of Suzie.
‘Go on, Suzie,’ I said.
And then it all came tumbling out. How it had happened while she was on holiday in the summer. There was a boy on the same campsite with whom she’d got on really well. They’d spent a lot of time together – swimming, bumming around on the beach, exploring the local town. By day three they were meeting each morning to go and buy baguettes and croissants. In the evening, they went for long walks or to the disco on the site.
‘I didn’t think anything of it,’ said Suzie. ‘I’d told him about Ben. I’d said we could only be friends.’
‘But?’ I said.
‘But…’ Suzie began to cry again and had to rummage up her sleeve for a tissue. ‘But on the next to last night, he walked me back to my tent and just as I was saying ‘Goodnight’ he kissed me. And I kissed him back. Not very much. Just a quick kiss.’
‘Is that all?’ I asked.
Suzie shook her head vehemently. ‘No – that was the trouble. Until he kissed me, it felt fine. He just felt like a friend. There was no contest. Ben was my boyfriend and there was no way I was going to cheat on him – and what was the point, anyway? After the end of this week, I was unlikely to see Hamish ever again.’
‘Hamish?’ I said. ‘Isn’t that a Scottish name?’
Suzie nodded. ‘He’s from Dundee,’ she said.
‘So are you still in touch with him,’ I asked.
Suzie blushed. ‘Only on Facebook,’ she said.
‘You’re on Facebook?’ I said, surprised. ‘I thought you’d be on My Space.’
Suzie blushed a deep crimson. ‘I joined to find Hamish,’ she said. ‘So we write – and chat sometimes.’
‘A lot?’
Suzie shook her head. ‘No – only about once a week.’
‘Well, that sounds fine,’ I said. ‘I can’t really see the problem, Suzie. I think you should tell Ben. I’m sure he would understand.’
‘I haven’t told you everything yet, Kate,’ said Suzie. ‘There’s more.’
‘Go on,’ I said.
Suzie gave me an anguished look, almost as if she was begging for mercy. I still had my arm round her and I gave her a squeeze.
‘I’m not going to shout at you, Suzie,’ I said. ‘And you don’t have to tell me, you know.’
‘Oh but I want to tell you!’ Suzie wailed. ‘I’ve got to tell someone – and you’ve got to help me sort out what to do.’
It was getting hard to be patient. I was so worried about Greg and, much as I like Suzie and really wanted to smooth things over between her and Ben, I was getting irritated. But then, suddenly, it all came out in a rush.
‘It was the last day,’ said Suzie. ‘We spent all day together and, because it was such a beautiful evening, we went for a long walk along the beach, further than we’d ever been before. Mum and Dad were fine with it. They liked Hamish and trusted him. He’s sixteen, nearly seventeen – I think they thought I’d be safe with him. He wouldn’t let me drown or anything.’
I snorted. Sometimes, Suzie’s parents, lovely though they are, seem a bit naïve. I’m not an adult, let alone a mum, but it just didn’t seem to me that the biggest risk was Suzie drowning.
‘So he didn’t let you drown but…’
‘We walked around the headland and found this beautiful little cove and then…well, then we just started kissing…and it was so warm I’d only got on my bikini and a sarong. So we laid the sarong on the sand and lay down and…’
Suzie stopped.
Please tell me she didn’t have sex with this guy! I begged God. She is seriously underage.‘And…and…’ Suzie’s head was sunk so low her chin was grazing her chest. ‘And well…Kate, I’m too embarrassed to say any more…it wasn’t that we had sex…but the thing is, I’ve never let Ben do what I let Hamish do. And I care far more about him than Hamish. It was such a stupid thing – just the end of the holiday and I was feeling sad – and it was so warm and romantic on the beach and it was just so easy. And the trouble is, Kate, it was so exciting. I really liked what we did and…’
‘And what, Suzie?’ I was trying hard not to act shocked. But I was. I mean Suzie is the same age as my little brother! And she was telling me that she’d done things with a strange boy on holiday that I hadn’t done myself! Not to mention the fact that Suzie is so conscientious about going to her church – she’s in the Salvation Army – and has been (as far as I know) really strict with Ben about doing nothing more than snogging. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised she felt like a hypocrite! She’d given Ben such a hard time about what he’d said and she’d actually cheated on him on holiday!
‘You’re horrified, aren’t you, Kate?’ said Suzie. ‘Please don’t look so shocked. I had to tell someone! I couldn’t live with worrying about it any more.’
I was struggling to know what to say. It may not sound like a big deal to you – she’d only made out with a guy on the beach and it was months ago. But it just didn’t fit with the Suzie I knew. I made a huge effort to pull myself together.
‘Suzie, it’s over,’ I said. ‘Isn’t it? It’s not like you’re seeing Hamish every weekend or anything, is it? OK, so you had a one-night stand but it’s not the end of the world. Ben need never know. Or were you thinking you should tell him?
Suzie shrugged and I unwrapped my arm.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said. ‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you.’
I was puzzled. ‘But I really don’t see the problem,’ I said. ‘It’s over with Hamish. If you can forgive Ben for what he did – and, given what you’ve just told me, I jolly well think you should – then you can just get back together and be very happy.’
Suzie shook her head. ‘But Kate – the thing is, I don’t want to stick to just snogging any more. Now that I know what it’s like, I want to go further with Ben – but I don’t think I should. So you see, I just have to dump him – and that’s why I pretended I was cross about what he’d said! So that I have a reason!’

Serious stuff!

‘I have bad news about Greg, I’m afraid, darling,’ Mum said, at last.
The look on her face was so serious that I felt an awful surge of adrenalin and suddenly my hands and legs were shaking.
‘What?’ I said. ‘What is it?’ He can’t be dead, I was telling myself, it can’t be that bad. He only rescued Biggles from the river – and he was discharged from hospital the same day! What on earth could be wrong? Maybe it was something to do with Biggles. At that thought, my heart nearly stopped, I’m sure.
‘He hasn’t had to have Biggles put down, has he?’ I said, suddenly feeling so sick that I reached for the nearly empty bowl of grapes on the coffee table. ‘They didn’t decide he was dangerous after he bit me, did they? He is so not – he’s the most gentle dog ever – that was only because he was so very distressed!’
Mum looked aghast. ‘Good grief, Kate, of course not!’ she said. ‘Everyone knows Biggles would never bite anyone normally. No, actually, Kate,’ – she looked grave – ‘it’s more serious than that. Greg has been rushed into hospital.’
‘What on earth for?’ I gasped. ‘He was fine! They sent him home!’
‘It’s because of all the river water he must have inadvertently drunk,’ said Mum. ‘At first they thought he’d just caught a cold or had the flu – but now they think it’s Leptospirosis – and that Weil’s disease might have set in.’
‘I’ve never heard of either of them,’ I said. ‘What do they do to him?’
‘Well, the leptospirosis is rather like flu but the problem with it is really that there can be nasty complications.’
‘Like what?’ I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Greg must have them or Mum wouldn’t be looking so serious.
‘Liver failure, kidney failure – and meningitis.’
I felt as if someone had suddenly opened the door and an icy wind had blown in.
‘Meningitis?’ I said. ‘Is that what they think he’s got then?’
Mum shook her head. ‘They’re not sure. He does have a terrible headache and a stiff neck but no rash. But it’s a possibility. No, the thing they’re really worried about is liver failure. He’s become extremely jaundiced, very suddenly. It’s called Weil’s disease.’
‘I thought you said it was called lepsori – thingy whatsit.’
‘Leptospirosis. Yes, it is – Weil’s disease is a complication of it.’
‘So is he going to be all right?’
‘Kate, they can’t be sure. He’s very poorly right now. He’s in intensive care.’
I burst into tears. ‘Why did no one tell me?’ I sobbed. ‘What if I want to visit him?’
‘We didn’t tell you because we didn’t know. No one knew till the early hours of this morning when he staggered into his mum’s room with the awful headache. The thing with leptospirosis is you start with flu symptoms and then they stop – and then all the complications start – if they’re going to.’
‘And they have?’
‘Yes,’ said Mum. ‘I’m afraid so.’ She handed me the box of tissues. ‘But you must remain positive, Kate. It is treatable and it’s not that rare. The doctors know what they’re doing – and he is young and strong.’
‘But how did he get it?’ I demanded. ‘Just through being in the river?’
Mum nodded. ‘Yes – it’s often passed on through rat’s urine – and he swallowed quite a lot of water. Kate, you can’t visit him at the moment, I’m afraid. No one can except his parents. He’s really, really poorly.’
She came and crouched by my side – which if she hadn’t just told me such terrible news, I couldn’t have helped smiling over. When she squats down like that, her bottom half looks like a Sumo wrestler, she has such an enormous bum. But her top half is wonderfully cuddly and I wrapped my arms around her neck and buried my nose in her hair – which is black with magenta streaks at the moment.
‘Can we pray for him?’ I whispered.
‘Of course,’ Mum said.
There are some advantages in having a mum who is a part-time vicar. Very good in the sort of crisis where there’s absolutely nothing you can do except pray! Of course, I joined in. But it was great to have her there to start me off and to keep my mind on the job. I don’t know about you but my mind wanders dreadfully when I’m praying, even when it’s something really serious. Anyway, we prayed for Greg and his Mum and Dad and when we’d finished, I felt slightly better. It must be awful if you don’t believe in praying at all. What do you do in a real crisis? What do you do when there’s someone you care about in trouble and there’s nothing else you can do? It must be agony. I think that, even if I didn’t believe in God, I’d still give prayer a go. I mean, it would be worth a try!
There was a tap on the door.
‘It’s OK, Suzie!’ Mum called. ‘You can come in now – that is all right, isn’t it, Kate?’ She got up and opened the door and then disappeared into the kitchen
I nodded, blowing my nose at the same time. I didn’t mind what state Suzie saw me in – and I still hadn’t talked to her about Ben, what with the accident and everything.
‘I didn’t know you were here,’ I said. ‘Is Ben around?’
Suzie shook her head. ‘No – I texted him to check. He knows I don’t want to see him till I’ve talked to you.’
‘He must be really fed up,’ I said. ‘He wanted me talk to you days ago.’
‘I know,’ said Suzie, ‘but you know what Ben’s like. He gets in a real state about things but then, when he’s calmed down, he’s the most laid-back person I know. That’s one of the things that’s really great about him – especially when you’re used to my family. They run on rails!’
I laughed – and then felt guilty. I had forgotten about Greg for a moment. But Suzie must be a mind-reader.
‘You can’t worry about Greg all the time,’ she said. ‘Life goes on, you know.’
‘I know, I know,’ I said. ‘It’s just – how can I have forgotten the state he’s in already?’
‘You haven’t,’ said Suzie. ‘You’ve just remembered him, silly! Just pray every time he flashes through your mind. I would!’
‘Well, you’re a much better person than me,’ I said. ‘Which reminds me – we’d better get on and talk about this fiasco with Ben telling people he’d slept with you – the stupid, stupid boy.’
Suzie was looking at the floor.
‘What’s up?’ I said. ‘Lost something?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I just feel awkward with you saying that I’m a better person than you, Kate. I’m so not honestly. I’m just so not.’
I looked at her red cheeks quizzically. ‘What is it, Suzie?’ I said. ‘Something’s really worrying you, isn’t it?’
To my surprise, Suzie, who is always so jolly and buoyant, began to cry.
‘Oh Kate, you’re not going to believe this,’ she sobbed. ‘It’s bad – it’s so, very, very bad…’

A bloody mess!

It took three firemen to get Greg and Biggles out of the river. I could tell from the way Greg let one of them wrap a supportive arm round him that he had had enough. But he wouldn’t let go of Biggles and he didn’t take his eyes off him. Slowly, wading against the current they brought the big dog in. It was clearly a massive effort. He’s huge and his coat is thick and heavy. I had to let the rope go slack – there was no point in pulling – Greg could only go as fast as they could move Biggles. There was a painful silence as Suzie, the remaining firemen and I waited, our eyes peeled for signs of life. I wanted to ask, to shout out to Greg but I couldn’t bear to. From where we were standing, Biggles looked like a dead-weight. There was an uncomfortable lump in my throat and my eyes were smarting. Please God, please don’t let him be dead, please God, I was praying silently and then, And if he is, please don’t let me be useless.
And then Suzie gave a cry.
‘He rolled his eye,’ she said. ‘I saw Biggles roll his eye!’
‘Are you sure?’ I said.
‘Yes – watch!’
Suzie was right. Biggles was holding his own head up and yes, his terrified eyes were rolling. Moments later, we were all trying to beach him, the three firemen, Greg, Suzie and I. Stupid. Suzie and I should have stood back. We weren’t really needed. But we were so relieved and excited, we weren’t thinking straight. I reached out to grab Biggles’ collar and help haul him in – and that’s when it happened. Poor Biggles must have felt utterly threatened by the sudden hand looming by his nose – and he snapped, his huge jaws clamping my wrist in an agonising grip. I screamed – I couldn’t help it – and Biggles snapped again. Greg was too shocked and exhausted to help but the nearest firemen knew what to do. He rammed his fingers and thumb into the corners of Biggles’ mouth and his jaw dropped immediately. He was too tired to hang on anyway.
I looked down at my arm. Blood was seeping rapidly from four wounds. I could see they were deep and you know how it is – once you see the damage, the pain suddenly hits. My knees buckled, my head span and I would have landed in the river myself but for the quick reactions of one of the waiting firemen. The next moment, I was sitting on the bank with my head thrust between my knees and my arm held in the air. And then someone was saying, ‘Is this the casualty?’ and someone was explaining that there was another one as well and the riverbank suddenly seemed full of people, some of whom I recognised and some of whom I didn’t but my mind felt so woolly that I couldn’t decide what was what and when someone started lying me down and lifting my feet in the air, I didn’t complain, I was suddenly immensely cold and I remember thinking that I shouldn’t be cold, that I hadn’t fallen in the river – it was Greg who was cold, he and Biggles – and I remember trying to ask what had happened to them and whether Biggles was going to be OK and someone said, ‘Stop trying to talk, please, Kate. Your friend and the dog will be fine.’ And after that, I must have blacked out.

After that, it was all as you might expect – ambulance, hospital, stitches, blood transfusion – yes, poor old Biggles had nicked an artery – and eventually, home, wonderful home. I wasn’t long in hospital so I didn’t have visitors other than family. I really didn’t want them. I felt absolutely exhausted and I hated the bed, the noise, the food, the lights – and so I was determined to do as much as possible to get myself home as soon as the doctors would let me – and that involved sleeping while they dripped antibiotics into me from a bag. They were worried that I’d get something nasty both from Biggles and the river water so I was going to be on antibiotics for a while – but as soon as they could, they’d have me off the drip, onto tablets and I’d be allowed home. I never realised how much I love my chaotic house, so cosy and comfortable and easy to be in, until I was faced with the misery of being helplessly pushed around by other people in hospital. And there was another thing too. Mum and Dad both insisted that everything was fine. Greg had been checked over in hospital and sent home and Biggles had quickly recovered from his adventure. All the dogs had got home safely – Suzie and her dad had dealt with that. I wasn’t to worry about our new au pair (whose name, incidentally, is Veronique) – she was going to stay with the Petersons for a week instead of me – Mrs Charming could find plenty for her to do. All I had to worry about was getting plenty of rest and recovering as fast as possible. But I knew there was something else – something they weren’t telling me.
I found out what it was the day after I got home. I’d had visits from Chas and Mrs Peterson and Vicky – and Suzie had texted to ask if she could come round later that evening. Ben was being very attentive to my every need – he wanted me in ‘sorting it with Suzie’ mode as soon as was humanly possible. But I hadn’t heard anything from Greg. Well, fair enough. Before the crisis with Biggles, we hadn’t been on the best of terms. And although he was back in school, he must have been feeling pretty rough. I wasn’t really expecting a visit, was I?
Well, yes, I was actually. Of course I was. I’d taken a big part in rescuing his beloved dog. I’d stopped him from panicking, lent him my phone, found the life-belt, held the rope while he played the hero – yes, I was expecting something, a text at the very least. Or even a Get Well Soon card. I don’t want to over-dramatise but I’m told the paramedics did do that thing where they wrap you in foil because you’ve lost so much blood. And I know it wasn’t Biggles fault, he’s a lovely dog and he was just very distressed – but you’d think if your dog had bitten the girl you claim to fancy like mad, you might do something. Even if your head is fuddled by dunking it in the river. So I was surprised and, frankly, a bit naffed off that I’d heard nothing at all.
And then Mum came to talk to me. I knew it was serious by the look on her face. She sat down on the end of the sofa where I was lying watching ‘Friends’.
‘Can we turn this off for a minute?’ she said.
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘I’ve seen it before anyway.’
There was silence. I suspected Mum was praying. She’s like that – always putting the odd word in when there’s something big going on.
‘What is it?’ I said. ‘Come on – put me out of my misery. What’s going on?’
Mum took a deep breath and began.

Dog Trouble!

‘Kate!’ There was no mistake. Greg was waving urgently at me and then broke into a run.
‘Curses,’ I said to Suzie. ‘What on earth does he want?’
Greg panted to a stop beside me while Chloe slobbered cheerfully over Darcy and Fairfax.
‘What is it?’ I asked, icily.
It was as if he was wearing a tog 50 duvet. My sub-zero vibes had no impact whatsoever. But then I understood why.
‘Kate, Biggles has fallen down some sort of storm drain and I can’t get him out,’ he gasped. ‘He’s howling away down there and I can hear gurgling. I don’t know if he’s in the water or what – and I left my phone at home. I was going to stop someone – and then I saw you and…’
He stopped. Suddenly he couldn’t say any more. I could see the panic in his eyes. Mr ‘I’m so cool’ was in complete melt-down – he was battling back tears of real fear.
I put one hand on his forearm.
‘It’s all right, Greg,’ I said, rather as I might to one of my little sisters. ‘You need to ring the fire-brigade. They’ll know what to do. But you need to calm down and explain exactly where this drain is.’
Then I got out my phone, dialled 999 and handed it to him.
Greg rolled his shoulders back and took a deep breath. ‘Hello?’ he started. ‘Hello? Yes, the fire service, please…’
I turned to Suzie while he explained.
‘Is it OK if we go with him to this drain?’ I said. ‘I don’t think we should just leave him. I’m really sorry.’
Suzie nodded vigorously. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I won’t be able to think of anything else until I know Biggles is OK.’ She looked at me anxiously. ‘Do you think he will be?’
I hadn’t dared think about that. It’s best not to let your mind wander to worst case scenarios when you’re in a crisis – it doesn’t help!
‘Only one way to find out,’ I said. Greg handed my phone back. ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘We’d better run.’
‘You’re coming with me?’ Greg looked startled.
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Maybe we can get him out ourselves. Just move!’

The drain was below the exercise trail, slightly obscured by grass – but I was still surprised I’d never come across it before. I’ve been that way so many times.
‘The cover’s off,’ said Greg, seeing the question on my face. ‘Vandals, maybe? I don’t know. Anyway – Biggles fell in – he maybe smelt a rat or something.’
We peered down the hole. It was dank and dark and you couldn’t see the bottom. There was no sound except the gurgling of water.
‘Biggles? Biggles?’ Greg shouted. In reply, there was a mournful bark, but it sounded tired and faint, not the sort of sound you expect from a big dog like a Newfoundland.
Greg called again. Again the faint bark. Fairfax, Darcy and Chloe were frantic. It was hard to stop them throwing themselves down the hole after Biggles
‘Maybe one of us should go to the park gates,’ I panted, battling to hold the dogs back. ‘You can drive down here – but it’s not obvious which way to come. And maybe we should tie these dogs up.’
‘I wish they’d shut up,’ said Greg. ‘I can’t hear Biggles for them barking.’
‘I’ll go to the gates,’ said Suzie, eagerly. ‘Shall I take one of the dogs?’
‘I doubt if they’ll go, ‘I said. ‘No – you just get down there as fast as you can, Suzie. Come on, Greg, we’ll have to tie these three up – there’s nothing we can do with them leaping around like this.’
‘There’s nothing we can do anyway,’ said Greg. ‘And Biggles sounds so tired.’
I looked at his white face and decided he needed to pull himself together.
‘Stop it, Greg!’ I said. ‘You’ve given up already – and the firemen haven’t even got here yet. Now help me with these dogs.’
It was as if I’d slapped him in the face. Suddenly, he was alert. He let out an angry little breath between clenched teeth. Then…
‘You’re right, Kate,’ he said. ‘I’m being pathetic.’
Moments later the dogs were tied to a push-up bar and we were back by the hole.
‘Biggles?’ Greg called.
Nothing.
‘Biggles? Biggles?’
Still nothing.
‘BIGGLES?’ Greg’s voice was desperate now.
Silence.
Greg’s eyes seemed to bulge with panic.
‘He’s drowned, Kate – he was in the water and he couldn’t stay up any longer! Kate, Kate, he’s drowned!’ He had his hands on my shoulders, his fingers gripping me in desperation. I took hold of his arms and shook him.
‘Stop panicking, Greg!’ I told him. ‘Think – this drain has to go somewhere – if maybe he’s got washed away – maybe we can…’
‘The river!’ said Greg. ‘It’ll discharge into the river!’
I didn’t argue. It seemed obvious. I was vaguely aware of a siren in the distance but there was no time to lose. We slid down the bank to the river’s edge and sure enough, a concrete pipe stuck out from the bank, water gushing from its mouth into the current.
‘There’s Biggles!’ I shouted pointing.
And there he was, his nose just breaking the surface, his paws scrabbling feebly.
I had to hold Greg back to stop him jumping in straightaway.
‘Wait!’ I shouted.
‘There’s no time!’ Greg snarled at me.
‘Then you go in with a life-belt and I’m holding the rope!’
I scrambled back up to the path; I knew there would be a life-belt nearby and, thank God, there was, only twenty or so metres away and – thank God even more – it hadn’t been vandalised.
I grabbed it, hurled myself down the bank again and more or less threw it round Greg’s neck. Quickly, he pulled it on properly, scrambled out of his trousers – his shoes and jacket and T-shirt were already off – and jumped into the river.
He’s a good swimmer and he struck out fast. The current wasn’t particularly strong and Biggles hadn’t drifted far. My worry was how I was going to hang on to the life-belt rope once Greg had hold of Biggles. He was about 70 kilos of very exhausted dog. I refused to believe that he was dead. Did Greg have any chance of rescuing him? I had to believe that he did. I prayed that he would. Some people don’t think God cares about dogs – but I don’t believe that. How could the creator of a beautiful animal like Biggles be indifferent when he was in danger? Not to mention what losing him would do to Greg! I watched, letting the rope pay out through my hands, wanting to close my eyes and open them again when it was all over but not daring to. Greg was within a metre now, his hand stretched out. Thank goodness Biggles would be wearing a collar. At least that gave Greg something to grab.
I could hear the fire engine screeching to a halt behind me but couldn’t bear to take my eyes off Greg. With a sudden lunge he was there and yes – he had hold of Biggles.
‘Got him!’ he spluttered. I could scarcely hear him. ‘He weighs a tonne!’
‘Shall I pull?’ I wasn’t sure if pulling would help. It might just mean Greg would lose his hold.
‘Just try and hang on!’ Greg shouted. ‘It’s not deep – I can stand – but I can’t drag him in – he’s just too heavy.’
Greg sounded calm and efficient. He was doing his utmost to save his dog – there was no space for panic now.
The firemen didn’t seem to need any explanations. Suddenly one was standing beside me, helping me hold the rope. Two – no, four appeared in those huge black dungarees that they use for wading.
‘Just hold on, Greg,’ shouted one. ‘We’ll have you and Biggles out shortly.’
They’re good at all that stuff, the rescue services – using your name so you feel like they really care. Susie must have told them all the details. But I think they do really care. I mean, I would if there was someone in terrible danger – I can’t see how you’d ever get used to it.
It always feels like forever when you’re waiting to find out something really important. From the moment the firemen lowered themselves into the water, I had no doubt that Greg was going to be all right. But what about Biggles? It was impossible to tell from the bank. And the firemen seemed to move as slowly as astronauts. Was Biggles dead or alive? How long before I found out?

Telling it how it is!

Very gently, I slid my hands down Chas’s arms until I was holding his wrists. I was longing to look at the floor but I knew that wasn’t fair or honest, so I toughed it out and met his eyes full-on.
‘Chas, I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I think I need to think about it. I’m pretty mixed up at the moment, actually.’
Chas nodded. He was biting his lip.
‘Me too,’ he said and I could see the white marks his teeth had made from the pressure. He was blushing now. ‘It’s not that I don’t like you, Kate – I like you loads. You’re the most important person in my life – well, maybe Mum and Dad are a bit more important but not by much. And I can’t bear it when things go wrong between us…’
I nodded. ‘It’s the same for me,’ I said.
We were holding hands now and he gripped mine firmly.
‘But the thing is…well, the thing is…well, it’s almost like you’re my sister. When I kiss you, it’s nice but…
‘It isn’t very exciting?’ I finished for him. ‘The earth doesn’t move?’ He was saying so exactly what I felt myself that my knees felt like giving way with relief.
He smiled wryly. ‘I’m sorry, Kate,’ he said. ‘Does that sound really terrible? I’m not saying you’re not hot – you are – seriously, you are. Well, you can tell that from the way other boys behave around you.’
‘Greg, you mean?’
‘Not just Greg!’ he said. ‘Haven’t you noticed the others?’
I stared at him in disbelief. ‘No, Chas, I have not!’ I said. ‘You sure you’re not imagining things?’
Chas shook his head. ‘Certainly not,’ he said. ‘Honestly, Kate – you need to be careful. You could turn into a real heart-breaker. That’s why I keep thinking there must be something wrong with me.’
‘Something wrong with you? What d’you mean?’
‘Well, I keep getting told how lucky I am and how fit my girlfriend is – and yet… I…well, I don’t…I don’t…’
He was getting so tongue-tied that I decided the kindest thing was to help him out.
‘You don’t really fancy me,’ I said. ‘That’s it, isn’t it?’
‘Yes – in fact, I even began to wonder if I was gay. Not that I’ve got a problem with that – it’s just, I’d rather not be. I mean, can you imagine telling my dad? So…well…I don’t know whether I should tell you this…’
I squeezed his hands again. ‘Go on,’ I said. ‘You might as well. Anyway, I think I can guess.’
Chas swallowed hard. ‘The thing is, I sort of tested myself.’
‘Oh yes?’ I said, barely able to keep the giggle out of my voice. ‘How?’
‘A one night stand,’ he said. ‘With this girl who’s the daughter of one of my dad’s business colleagues. She’d come with him to go pony-trekking near here and then stayed on for tea. And well – one thing led to another. You know how it goes?’
So that explained his arm round the strange blonde!
‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘I saw you with her, actually.’
Chas was incredulous. ‘You never said anything!’
It was my turn to blush. ‘That’s because I was so naffed of with you that I snogged Greg. And that hasn’t been the only time, either.’ Now I really couldn’t resist staring at my feet.
To my relief, Chas burst out laughing.
‘What are we like?’ he said. ‘Do you want to go out with Greg then?’
‘I…’ I was about to say I didn’t know. And then I realised that wasn’t true. Because I did want to go out with Greg. He fascinated me. And I knew how it made me feel when he touched me. I wasn’t at all sure I should go out with him. He didn’t seem safe; I wasn’t sure I could trust him. And I knew there were big differences between us – for one thing, he didn’t believe in God, and I do – passionately. I have my doubts and my questions, of course, and I generally give God a hard time – but I do believe in him – and Greg doesn’t. But I felt like I just had to try things out with Greg. If I didn’t I would feel like a wimp. And I would never know what might have happened if I had.
‘Yes,’ I admitted. ‘Yes, I do want to go out with Greg. D’you think I’m mad?’
Chas shrugged. ‘Who am I to talk? I went out with Carly! And Greg’s all right. He’s a bit of a player – but I think he’s genuinely keen on you, Kate. He’s not had a girlfriend for ages. I think he’s waiting for you.’
Very gently, Chas kissed me on the forehead and then let go of my hands.
‘You’re very special, Kate,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve messed you about.’
‘You haven’t,’ I said. ‘I think I’ve messed you about more.’
Chas shrugged. ‘Maybe we’ll still end up together one day,’ he said.
I smiled. ‘If no one else will have us,’ I said.
‘I might hold you to that,’ said Chas. ‘Now are you going to ring Greg and make him really happy?’
‘No, I’m not going to do anything about him until I’ve tried to sort out this mess with Ben and Suzie,’ I said. ‘Honestly, why they come running to me, I have no idea. I can’t even sort out my own life!’

I avoided Greg at school next day and he avoided me. It was all very well telling Chas how I felt but I hadn’t a clue how I was going to deal with the situation. It could wait, however. Greg wasn’t going anywhere. I had other things on my mind. My walk with Suzie.

When I got to the park gates with Darcy and Fairfax, (there had been no sign of Greg at this house, thank goodness), Suzie was already there, her own German Shepherd dog, sitting patiently on the pavement.
When she saw me her face lit up and my heart sank. I just hoped I wasn’t going to mess this up. Ben was relying on me and Suzie clearly had something important she wanted to discuss – with me, Little Miss Muddle herself!
The dogs covered my confusion, however, enthusiastically investigating each other in that wonderfully direct doggy way that makes human greetings look robotic.
Then, as soon as we’d let them loose and they were bounding ahead of us over towards the pond, Suzie followed their example and launched straight in.
‘I could get over what Ben told his mates,’ she said, honestly. ‘And my parents understand. They like Ben. They’d forgive him. Dad says he wishes he had a pound for every time he’d bragged about something stupid. Mum says we all learn from our mistakes. I’m dead embarrassed. But if I really care about Ben, I should stick by him. Show people I’m not bothered – that he matters enough that I’m not going to dump him just because he’s upset me.’
‘So why aren’t you?’ I said.
‘Because….’ Suzie stared into the distance. I could see that she was screwing up the courage to say what she wanted to say.
‘Go on,’ I said, gently. ‘It can’t be as bad as all that.’
‘You think?’ she said.
‘Just tell me,’ I said. ‘I’m not going to say anything to anyone else, I promise.’
At that moment, I heard my name called. And I recognised the voice. I couldn’t believe it. Bad timing or what?
I turned round irritably and, hurrying towards me, was the last person in the world that I wanted to see right then.

Sorting it with Susie

The only trouble was, I couldn’t think what to do. It felt like I ought to sleep on it but Ben had been so distraught and so desperate that I knew he wanted me to do something straightaway. I thought of him struggling away at home, being so upset and being expected to be polite to the new au pair – who had obviously just arrived – and my heart went out to him. It’s exhausting being that upset and trying to put a brave face on it. I sent him a text:

Say you’ve got a bad headache or something and go to bed. Mum and Dad will manage. I’m on the case, OK?

Then I marched over to the house and knocked lightly on the door of what the Petersons call ‘the family bathroom’ which really means Chas gets it all to himself. Mr and Mrs Charming have one to themselves and the guest room has an en suite too.
‘Chas?’ I said. ‘Can I talk to you?’
‘Not through the door. This about Ben?’
‘Yes.’
‘Give me a few minutes. Want to go and make a drink?’
So that was me dismissed. But at least he was quick. And when he arrived in the kitchen, he wasn’t sporting a towel but he did look extremely Johnny Depp with his wet hair and a quality bath robe.
‘So?’ he said. ‘All right to talk here? Mum’s having an early night and dad’s watching TV.’
I nodded and handed him the hot chocolate I’d made.
‘I’m going to have to talk to Suzie,’ I said. ‘But I’m not sure how. Should I phone or My Space her? She might just cut me off if I phone but if I My Space her she might not even answer.’
‘D’you need to talk to her tonight?’
I nodded.
‘Well, she might not even be on line. You have to phone.’
‘But I don’t want to,’ I said. ‘I won’t know what to say. And she’s furious with Ben – so she might be furious with me. You don’t mess with Suzie, Chas!’
Chas handed me his phone. ‘Just do it,’ he said. ‘It’s getting late. Her parents are strict. She might not be able to talk later.’
I stared at the phone.
‘Her number’s on there,’ he said. ‘I sometimes have to phone her if I want to speak to Ben.’
I still hesitated.
‘Surely Ben can’t really want his big sister to ring his girlfriend?’ I said.
Chas gave me a sick parrot look. ‘Do it,’ he said. ’Ben’s waiting. I’ll stay right here, OK?’
‘Is that to make me feel better or to make sure I do it?’
‘Both.’
I found the number and called. She picked up almost straight away.
‘Chas?’ she said. ‘He’s not here. I…’
‘Suzie, it’s Kate,’ I said. ‘Ben’s….’
‘Kate!’ There was a silence and I wondered if she was drawing breath to shout at me. Instead, she burst into tears.
‘Has Ben told you?’ she sobbed. ‘Has he told you what he did?’
‘Yes. I’m really sorry, Suzie. He’s been a complete jerk. But he does know that. And he’s really sorry.’
‘I know – I know he’s sorry. And I don’t want to split up with him, Kate. But…but…well, what he’s told you isn’t the only thing – there’s something else. I….’
She broke off. I could hear her mum talking to her in the background. It was clear she was being told to get off the phone and go to bed.
‘Kate?’ She’d got a grip on herself and was being very quiet. ‘I have to go – but I really need to talk to someone about this. Someone who’ll understand. Can I talk to you, please?’
‘Me? But I’m Ben’s sister. I’m kind of on his side – I mean, I know he’s completely let you down but he’s still my little brother and I love him.’
‘But so do I!’ She was beginning to cry again.
‘Ssh!’ I said. ‘Look at the ceiling. You can’t cry when you’re looking up – it’s a well-known fact.’
‘Is it?’ She gulped.
‘Yes. Now how about we go for a dog walk together tomorrow evening? D’you know I’ve got this job walking dogs for Greg’s mum?’
‘Yes – Ben said.’ Her voice broke on Ben.
‘Right,’ I said briskly. ‘I’ll meet you at the park gates at 6.30pm then.’ Inwardly, I was thinking there was a bonus here for me – it would be hard for Greg to tag along and right now that seemed like a jolly good idea. ‘And don’t worry – whatever it is. I’m sure it can be sorted out, all right?’
‘I’m not,’ said Suzie, ‘but thank you!’
‘Well done,’ said Chas. ‘You’d better ring Ben.’
Ben was harder work.
‘Tell me what she said,’ he implored. ‘Just tell me what she said. I can’t wait till tomorrow evening. I feel terrible.’
‘I’m sorry, Ben,’ I said. ‘She didn’t say much at all. Just that she wanted to talk to me.’ I didn’t mention that she’d said there was something else – Ben had enough to worry about. ‘Now, have you met the new au pair? What’s she like?’
‘I didn’t notice,’ said Ben. ‘Not as pretty as Belle.’
‘Typical!’ I said. ‘You are so shallow sometimes, Ben!’
‘I’m upset!’ he protested. ‘What do you expect? A deep personality exploration?’
‘Oh, I’ll find out anyway, won’t I? She can’t be as bad as Belle was when she first arrived.’
To my surprise, at that moment, Chas slipped his hands round my waist and hugged me against him.
‘Say goodbye,’ he whispered in my ear.
I tried to frown sideways at him but then he kissed my ear-lobe and then my cheek and…
‘Well, night night then Ben,’ I said. ‘Better pray your big sister can sort this out for you. And if I do, you owe me, right?’ Then I ended the call.
‘Kate,’ said Chas, turning me to face him. ‘Are we…well, you know…’
‘What?’ I said. He was holding me gently and looking more deeply into my eyes than he had ever done before.
‘Are we…are we together? Or are we just messing about? Experimenting? I need to know.’
I looked away. Then I looked back. I knew I had to be very careful indeed what I said right then.