The Other Woman!

Oh, oh, oh – why is life so complicated? I’m never going to get any sleep at this rate!
Greg rang about half an hour after I got back from the walk.
‘Soooo….’ he said. ‘Was that just to make Charming Chas jealous or am I in with a serious chance here?’
I winced. I’ve always thought of Chas’s mother as Mrs Charming Peterson – and it hasn’t exactly been complimentary. Don’t get me wrong – I’m very fond of Chas’s mum, as it happens. She’s a very kind woman – but so over the top Homes and Gardens! Charming with several capital Cs. I’m never quite sure how Chas turned out so normal. He has a dad who’s virtually an elective mute – he says more to his rare breed pigs than to his family – and a mother who could almost put Dame Edna in the shade!
Anyway…the immediate problem was how to answer the question.
‘Mmm…er…I…I…’ I managed and then gave up.
‘Doesn’t sound overwhelmingly hopeful,’ said Greg.
‘N – no,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry. I should never have…you see…well, I just…’
‘You just saw them together and you were upset and I was there and it just happened.’
‘Well, you did start kissing my face!’ I said, indignantly. He didn’t need to pretend it was all my fault.
‘You were crying. I didn’t have a tissue.’
‘Yes, I know,’ I said. ‘Haven’t you heard of sleeves?’
Greg laughed. ‘Very unladylike,’ he said. ‘And wouldn’t you rather use me? You seemed to be enjoying it.’
I could feel myself blushing scarlet, embarrassed both by the idea that he now saw me as a user and because he was right, I had enjoyed it. Just thinking about it now had set my heart racing.
‘Greg, I didn’t mean it like that – I didn’t mean to use you,’ I blustered. ‘And it was….’ I paused, trying to think what I could say that sounded good but not too enthusiastic. I couldn’t think of anything. ‘Nice,’ I said, at last.
Greg laughed but it sounded hollow. ‘Nice,’ he said. ‘Damned with faint praise or what? So I didn’t manage to lure you away from Chas with my great skill as a kisser then? Even though he’d got his arm round the neck of some sexy blonde?’
‘Greg, stop it,’ I said. ‘I’ve said I’m sorry. It was a mistake, OK? I was upset and you were there and you were kissing my face and…’
‘I was nice. It’s OK. I get the picture. So that’s it with the dog-walking then, I take it? You’d prefer to go alone.’
There are all sorts of expressions for what happened to me next. My heart sank. My heart flipped. My heart turned over. What it really felt like was that an armoured hand – think ‘Knight’s Tale’ (RIP Heath Ledger) – think the awful bad guy that gorgeous Rufus Sewell plays – grabbed my heart and squeezed hard. Whatever. I knew I wanted to walk the dogs with Greg again tomorrow, whatever had happened today.
‘Oh, I don’t mind if you come,’ I said, ungraciously. I was trying not to sound too keen, too desperate. I was trying to be neutral, cool, like a friend rather than someone whose legs were quaking at the thought of having snogged him half an hour ago. Because that’s what I was, wasn’t I? A friend. Just a friend who’d got a bit carried away in a moment of upset – and who had, if I was fair to myself, followed his lead.
‘Wow, feel the enthusiasm!’ said Greg, coolly. ‘I can hardly wait!’
‘So will you come then?’ I asked, half-dreading, half-longing for his reply.
‘I’ll think about it,’ he said. ‘OK?’
‘OK.’ What else could I say? But I knew that every waking moment between now and then was going to drag.

After I’d put the phone down, I tried to get on with my work but I was horribly distracted. I felt so confused. Chas is so important to me. We’ve been friends for so long. If things are bad between us, it’s unbearable. And I’d reacted so strongly at seeing him touch that strange girl – I’d cried, for goodness sake! So I must really care about him. And yet kissing Greg has been so exciting – I’d never felt anything like it before. My entire guts seemed to melt and go quivery.
What on earth was going on?
‘Dear God,’ I said out loud. Sometimes, when I’m really confused, it helps to pray out loud. It clarifies things for me and helps me concentrate – and I really say it, if you know what I mean. It’s not just half-sentences mangled around in my head. It’s the whole works. Sometimes I really give God a tough time that way. I did today.
‘Dear God, this is ridiculous,’ I said. ‘I am so confused. I don’t know if I love Chas but don’t fancy him - or if I fancy Greg but don’t love him - or what – or both! Actually, God, both would make sense – but then what am I supposed to do about it? Should I be going out with one of them – or neither? I can’t exactly go out with both, can I?’
When Christians are stuck, they often get told to ask, ‘What would Jesus do?’ You can even get little WWJD bracelets to remind you. Well, it’s all very well, but nine times out of ten, I can’t work out what Jesus would do because I can’t see him in that situation. I mean, as far as we know, Jesus never even had a girlfriend, unless Dan Brown is right in that stupid book ‘The DaVinci Code’ and I don’t think he is for a minute.
But it was worth asking the question, all the same. ‘OK, God,’ I said. ‘What would Jesus do?’
No thunderbolts or mysterious writing appearing on the wall. Instead my mobile began to ring.
I glanced at the display. Chas. Now what? Suddenly, there was that chilly jealous dread making the inside of my stomach crawl. What would Jesus do? I had to really hold onto the fact that he would pick up the phone and be pleasant. You didn’t see Jesus going round being a jealous cow, did you? Not that he had anything much to be jealous about – well, except of course, of other people’s lives! His was a bit cut short, after all. If I was going to be crucified, I think I’d be pretty jealous of the people who weren’t! Anyway, he wouldn’t be rude to Chas when Chas hadn’t actually done anything to justify being rude about. So I answered the phone.
‘So how did the dog-walking go?’ he said. ‘Was it OK with Greg?’
So he can’t have seen Greg and me snogging. Phew! I drew a great big inward sigh of relief. You see, I’m not as bad as I thought I was. I hadn’t wanted to make him jealous – it was all down to wretched Greg kissing my tears away. But I thought I’d drop a hint and see what happened.
‘Yeh, it was fine,’ I said. ‘We had to go to the postbox and then to the park. We’d rather have gone in the fields but his mum had some stuff she wanted posting.’
‘Oh – I didn’t see you down there,’ said Chas. ‘That’s what I was ringing to tell you about, as well.’
‘What?’ I said, curious to know what explanation he was going to come up with.
‘Just that we had this family over for dinner – some big business associate of my dad’s – there’s talk of them working together over marketing pork products. His wife and daughter came too.’
‘Oh. Were they nice?’ I asked.
‘Yeh, yeh, they were OK. I took the girl for a walk – showed her round a bit. They’re going to be moving here soon, apparently. They’re coming to look at properties at the weekend – to rent, I think, at the moment. The girl doesn’t want to be dragged round all day so I suggested she hung out with me – well, us – for part of the time. Is that OK?’
‘What’s her name?’ I said, desperately trying to cover the tremble in my voice.
‘Felicity – but she prefers to be called Fliss.’
‘Oh, OK, then,’ I said as calmly as I could. ‘I’ll look forward to meeting her then.’
A few minutes later, I hung up. Then I flung myself on my bed and thumped my pillow in a frenzy. I thought I’d got the better of my jealousy for good. Obviously not. And what was I jealous for anyway? I wasn’t even sure how I felt about Chas at the moment – not now I’d gone and confused everything by snogging Greg!