Telling it how it is!

Very gently, I slid my hands down Chas’s arms until I was holding his wrists. I was longing to look at the floor but I knew that wasn’t fair or honest, so I toughed it out and met his eyes full-on.
‘Chas, I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I think I need to think about it. I’m pretty mixed up at the moment, actually.’
Chas nodded. He was biting his lip.
‘Me too,’ he said and I could see the white marks his teeth had made from the pressure. He was blushing now. ‘It’s not that I don’t like you, Kate – I like you loads. You’re the most important person in my life – well, maybe Mum and Dad are a bit more important but not by much. And I can’t bear it when things go wrong between us…’
I nodded. ‘It’s the same for me,’ I said.
We were holding hands now and he gripped mine firmly.
‘But the thing is…well, the thing is…well, it’s almost like you’re my sister. When I kiss you, it’s nice but…
‘It isn’t very exciting?’ I finished for him. ‘The earth doesn’t move?’ He was saying so exactly what I felt myself that my knees felt like giving way with relief.
He smiled wryly. ‘I’m sorry, Kate,’ he said. ‘Does that sound really terrible? I’m not saying you’re not hot – you are – seriously, you are. Well, you can tell that from the way other boys behave around you.’
‘Greg, you mean?’
‘Not just Greg!’ he said. ‘Haven’t you noticed the others?’
I stared at him in disbelief. ‘No, Chas, I have not!’ I said. ‘You sure you’re not imagining things?’
Chas shook his head. ‘Certainly not,’ he said. ‘Honestly, Kate – you need to be careful. You could turn into a real heart-breaker. That’s why I keep thinking there must be something wrong with me.’
‘Something wrong with you? What d’you mean?’
‘Well, I keep getting told how lucky I am and how fit my girlfriend is – and yet… I…well, I don’t…I don’t…’
He was getting so tongue-tied that I decided the kindest thing was to help him out.
‘You don’t really fancy me,’ I said. ‘That’s it, isn’t it?’
‘Yes – in fact, I even began to wonder if I was gay. Not that I’ve got a problem with that – it’s just, I’d rather not be. I mean, can you imagine telling my dad? So…well…I don’t know whether I should tell you this…’
I squeezed his hands again. ‘Go on,’ I said. ‘You might as well. Anyway, I think I can guess.’
Chas swallowed hard. ‘The thing is, I sort of tested myself.’
‘Oh yes?’ I said, barely able to keep the giggle out of my voice. ‘How?’
‘A one night stand,’ he said. ‘With this girl who’s the daughter of one of my dad’s business colleagues. She’d come with him to go pony-trekking near here and then stayed on for tea. And well – one thing led to another. You know how it goes?’
So that explained his arm round the strange blonde!
‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘I saw you with her, actually.’
Chas was incredulous. ‘You never said anything!’
It was my turn to blush. ‘That’s because I was so naffed of with you that I snogged Greg. And that hasn’t been the only time, either.’ Now I really couldn’t resist staring at my feet.
To my relief, Chas burst out laughing.
‘What are we like?’ he said. ‘Do you want to go out with Greg then?’
‘I…’ I was about to say I didn’t know. And then I realised that wasn’t true. Because I did want to go out with Greg. He fascinated me. And I knew how it made me feel when he touched me. I wasn’t at all sure I should go out with him. He didn’t seem safe; I wasn’t sure I could trust him. And I knew there were big differences between us – for one thing, he didn’t believe in God, and I do – passionately. I have my doubts and my questions, of course, and I generally give God a hard time – but I do believe in him – and Greg doesn’t. But I felt like I just had to try things out with Greg. If I didn’t I would feel like a wimp. And I would never know what might have happened if I had.
‘Yes,’ I admitted. ‘Yes, I do want to go out with Greg. D’you think I’m mad?’
Chas shrugged. ‘Who am I to talk? I went out with Carly! And Greg’s all right. He’s a bit of a player – but I think he’s genuinely keen on you, Kate. He’s not had a girlfriend for ages. I think he’s waiting for you.’
Very gently, Chas kissed me on the forehead and then let go of my hands.
‘You’re very special, Kate,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve messed you about.’
‘You haven’t,’ I said. ‘I think I’ve messed you about more.’
Chas shrugged. ‘Maybe we’ll still end up together one day,’ he said.
I smiled. ‘If no one else will have us,’ I said.
‘I might hold you to that,’ said Chas. ‘Now are you going to ring Greg and make him really happy?’
‘No, I’m not going to do anything about him until I’ve tried to sort out this mess with Ben and Suzie,’ I said. ‘Honestly, why they come running to me, I have no idea. I can’t even sort out my own life!’

I avoided Greg at school next day and he avoided me. It was all very well telling Chas how I felt but I hadn’t a clue how I was going to deal with the situation. It could wait, however. Greg wasn’t going anywhere. I had other things on my mind. My walk with Suzie.

When I got to the park gates with Darcy and Fairfax, (there had been no sign of Greg at this house, thank goodness), Suzie was already there, her own German Shepherd dog, sitting patiently on the pavement.
When she saw me her face lit up and my heart sank. I just hoped I wasn’t going to mess this up. Ben was relying on me and Suzie clearly had something important she wanted to discuss – with me, Little Miss Muddle herself!
The dogs covered my confusion, however, enthusiastically investigating each other in that wonderfully direct doggy way that makes human greetings look robotic.
Then, as soon as we’d let them loose and they were bounding ahead of us over towards the pond, Suzie followed their example and launched straight in.
‘I could get over what Ben told his mates,’ she said, honestly. ‘And my parents understand. They like Ben. They’d forgive him. Dad says he wishes he had a pound for every time he’d bragged about something stupid. Mum says we all learn from our mistakes. I’m dead embarrassed. But if I really care about Ben, I should stick by him. Show people I’m not bothered – that he matters enough that I’m not going to dump him just because he’s upset me.’
‘So why aren’t you?’ I said.
‘Because….’ Suzie stared into the distance. I could see that she was screwing up the courage to say what she wanted to say.
‘Go on,’ I said, gently. ‘It can’t be as bad as all that.’
‘You think?’ she said.
‘Just tell me,’ I said. ‘I’m not going to say anything to anyone else, I promise.’
At that moment, I heard my name called. And I recognised the voice. I couldn’t believe it. Bad timing or what?
I turned round irritably and, hurrying towards me, was the last person in the world that I wanted to see right then.